Destructive Redemption
by HikarixYamixYaoi
Summary: I no longer know myself. If you asked anyone, they would say I'm the leader. My ultimate goal was to always protect them. Was it right to shoulder everything on myself? My brothers would tell you no, but this was what I was brought up to do. Killing changes a person, it opens a whole other door to darkness, a darkness that I don't think will ever leave me alone. Leo-centric. Dark.


**Full Summary:**

You think you may know me... But even I could tell you that I don't know me. Not anymore.

Being different, not fitting in with society... Is something me and my family have lived with all of our lives... Because of what we are. I am Leonardo. Head of the Hamato clan, eldest and leader over my brothers. My ultimate goal in life was to always keep them all protected... By everything. Even death, if I could help it.  
Was it right to shoulder everything on myself? My brothers would tell you no, but this was what I was brought up to do. Please, please understand my actions... Everything changed one night, and I went down a dark path...  
What some people fail to see, or sometimes tell in a story, is that killing changes a person... It opens a whole other door to darkness. It awakens things of the mind that should not have been awakened... But one thing I have found clear during this walk in life, is that your very worst enemy is yourself.

Leo-centric, Dark Leo, Dark themes, Brotherly-fluff later. Action, Angst, Hurt/Comfort, Family.

WARNINGS: Lots of blood, language, gore, self-harm, and suicidal thoughts. PG-13

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**Ami:** Hello all. Greetings to our brand-new fanfic. Straight up from Wattpad.

Keira: This actually has been coming for a long time... Ever since our love of TMNT started.

**Ami:** Go ahead and tell'em the story... Oh, and hi to new people reading. I'm Ami, and this is my lighter-half, Hikari.

Keira: So this was spawned way back in April of 2013 when I first really got into Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles. Honestly, it was something I never expected to get into. I have fanfiction to blame for that. So this was inspired by a couple of fics out there that I read eons ago and really made me love this fandom... Especially Leonardo. So this is sort of my twisted-sense of dedication to my favorite turtle. ^_^

**Ami:** And what a twisted writer you are...

Keira: Hehe, so I hope you all enjoy this! And btw, this isn't for the faint of heart. Nor for anyone looking for a cute, fluffy fic of our favorite turtles...

**Also, I will be calling Leo's weapons by their original names, because originally they weren't katanas, but ninjakens, or ninjato blades. I felt like paying respect to the original comics by calling them this, since they don't curve like a katana does, but are straight.

**Disclaimer: I do not own Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles. That is owned by someone else that is not me.**

**Cover of story is not owned by me but by artlambi from deviantART. Go check'em out! =)**

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_"Intense, unexpected suffering passes more quickly than suffering that is apparently bearable; the latter goes on for years and, without our noticing, eats away at our souls, until, one day, we are no longer able to free ourselves from the bitterness and it stays with us for the rest of our lives." _  
― Paulo Coelho,_ The Alchemist_

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**Part One: Expect The Unexpected**

Leonardo

There's never been a time than now that I feel so...

_Filthy? Dishonorable? Exhausted? Broken beyond repair?_

_**A monster?**_

No. I shook my head as I slowly stood up, the muscles in my legs cramping and causing a terrible aching while everywhere else just _hurt_. I knew I was injured, though I couldn't tell the extent of those injuries due to the haziness clouding my mind.

I shook it off. I had to. I had to get out before—

Suddenly, dark-cloaked figures emerged from the shadows to surround me.

—They found me. I sighed.

I stood my ground and drew out my ninjaken blades. I leveled a glare with those that continued to hunt me down. They were ninja descended from a clan that had some links to the Shredder - and they wanted revenge for their fallen master.

_**How many more?**_

After a span of quiet tension, everything started. Suddenly, I had to defend myself from all angles as they came at me all at once. It was hard to fend them off, I couldn't time my defense right through the pounding in my head and I felt my flesh tear and sting on my left forearm from one of their blades.

I gritted my teeth. I should be better than this! But I'm so tired... Tired of fighting...

_**Giving up so soon?**_

I yelled and pushed a few of the ninja off of me. "Never." I spoke lowly, my own darkened voice scaring me a little. I knew I was already past the breaking point. Far. Past. It.

With adrenaline pumping through my veins, I lashed out. Metal hit metal as I deflected blades, spinning in a full circle to extract all weapons from my opponents. Everything was going dizzily fast as I turned at a swift angle, aiming my sword at the nearest vital spot—

A flash of crimson, and I was moving once again. I couldn't stop, not for an instant.

Feeling energy blossom through me as my heart picked up its already dangerous rate, I stealthily moved to the next target. By dodging a punch thrown at me, I was able to make the ninja unbalanced - offering an opening for a quick headlock. Wasting no time with this one, I dimly heard the sickening _crack_ as the next two approached swiftly.

Jumping a few feet, I twisted my body and swung my legs just right to completely crush one's neck before turning to deflect the blow from the other.

When my own blood flashed before my face, I realized this one was wielding a small dagger. With a glare, I quickly reached out with my injured hand to grasp the gleaming blade.

Catching the ninja by surprise at my own actions, I was able to take complete control. Flicking my wrist, I ripped the blade from his hands and took no time to drive it straight into his chest.

I could see my own self reflect from the man's dark, growing lifeless eyes... My blue mask torn in places with blood splotches staining it, my usual dark blue eyes darker than usual and my pupils dilated - my features covered in the blood of my enemies.

The sound of running footsteps made me turn away from the now completely dull and lifeless eyes of the one I had just slain.

I caught the last one running away, fear in his eyes as he looked back.

I glared harder, my breathing becoming rougher as anger surfaced.

_**Not one will be left alive.**_

Grasping the dagger in my bleeding hand, I became a blur of speed as I ran to my enemy.

_**Every last one of them will PAY!**_

The ninja gasped as I suddenly appeared in front of him, halting his hasty departure. I didn't hesitate in the slightest to slash the bloodied dagger deeply into, and across his throat. Spraying red essence everywhere.

I only caught a glimpse of the crazy, loose,_ animal_ within me before the ninja dropped to the cold ground below. It was enough.

I let the blood-soaked dagger fall from my now dyed crimson hand. I heard the loud _clang!_ as it hit the hard concrete right beside the fallen victim.

_**How many more will fall by your hand?**_

It wasn't always like this... Before, when everything was still good, when I was still honorable, when I did all the right things... Back when everything was _perfect._

But not anymore. I would give _anything_ to go back to those days... Those carefree days in the lair with Raph, Don, Mikey, and Master Splinter...

_I want to go home._ But I can't. Not like this, as a monster -_ a murderer.  
_  
_**They will never forgive you for what you've done.**_

I winced, breathing in shallow pants as my eyes took in the familiar bloody scene. It's all I've known for the past weeks... months... close to a year, I think.

Yes, it was all too familiar... Ever since my first kill, and the ones after that.

_It never stopped._

**. * . * .**

_(Past)_

It was a mission. Just a simple mission.

A mission that ended in the worst possible way - when the unexpected happened.

There had been sightings of shadowy figures hanging around the old hideout of the Foot clan, so we went to investigate. We expected it just to be some new gang on the street looking for a hideaway building... What we didn't expect were lethal ninjas waiting for us.

They knew we were coming all along; in fact, they had planned it. We were the foolish ones to get caught in their trap. We fell hard.

Outnumbered, surrounded on all sides, all we could do was fight our way through... I quickly figured out a plan when I got a good layout of our area. It was tricky, but the part of the building we were in was close to falling apart... See where I'm going with this?

As long as _we_ could get out in time, we would be safe while our enemies perished under a falling roof and various floors above. I had it all figured out in my head...

Of course, something had to go wrong. Something_ always_ goes wrong.

I didn't count for some of these ninja to have guns on them - it was dishonorable, unexpected.

Lethal.

I was the first to see one pull out the quick-firing weapon, it being pointed at one of my brothers.

_"Get down!"_ I remember shouting at my youngest brother, Mikey.

Fortunately, he listened to me and ducked out of the way just as the resounding sound of a bullet being fired reached our ears. I did a once-over just as I saw Raph - being the closest - run and take down the ninja who held the gun.

_"Are you okay?"_ I asked as I maneuvered closer to my orange-wearing brother.

_"Yeah, thanks bro!"_ He said cheerily, and I caught a glimpse of his smile in the corner of my eye.

_"Leo, we need to move before this place comes down on us!"_ Donnie reminded urgently, backing up closer to us.

I nodded and quickly looked around to see an easy exit. The nearest one was above in a broken window - we could easily escape to the rooftops from that angle. From there, we would just have to make a couple leaps before making it to the nearest manhole...

But suddenly, all that planning was wasted as I heard the familiar clicking of multiple guns being loaded.

I jerked around to see that most of the ninja now had guns out and had them pointed directly at me and my family. I gritted my teeth together, my eyes glaring a hole into the symbol on their left chest. It was a kanji symbol for Darkness while the Foot symbol was in the background. They were some sort of branch off from the Foot clan, that much I could guess.

Mikey yelped as they held the dangerous weapons, and I stood protectively in front of my two youngest siblings. Raph was in the corner, nearest to the window I was going to use as our ticket out of here...

I knew Raph, and he would fight no matter what. I noticed that less guns were pointed at him...

I clutched my hand into a fist by my side. I noticed that all of the guns pointed our way were in fact pointed at_ me_. That's when I had realized that this was some sort of revenge this branch clan wanted... To take out me, the leader, the one who dealt the final blow to their fallen master.

But if their focus was on me, and not so much on my brothers, then maybe there was a way out for them...

_"Listen up,"_ I whispered, keeping my voice low enough for only Mikey and Don to hear. I was tense all over as my plan played out in my head. They wouldn't like it, but it was the only way..._ "These guys want me the most, so if I distract them, then you can all get out."_

From the corner of my eye, I could make out their expressions. Mikey's eyes immediately widened. His voice breaking, _"What?"_

_"Leo, you can't... You can't sacrifice yourself!"_ Donnie hissed in a whisper, his gaze stern.

I let out a breath, trying to calm myself, to focus. _"It's the only way right now. Look, I'll cover you. See where Raph is?"_ I saw their eyes look toward where Raph was. _"I want you three to get out through that broken window, from there you move fast and to the nearest manhole - got it? Don't look back."_

_"And what about you?"_ Don pressed, and my hands discreetly moved to my belt.

_"I'm going to cause the distraction. I'll be right behind you."_ Were my last words to them as I shared a look and quiet nod with Raph. He didn't seem too sure what my plan was, but from what he assumed, he sure didn't look like he liked it.

There was a tremor in the beams that held the roof up above us. It wouldn't be long now...

_"Start moving, NOW!"_ I ordered and grabbed the smoke bombs from my belt and dropped them.

Suddenly, everything was in motion. Gun shots reigned as I moved through the smoke - it was a powerful dose that Donnie conjured up - that slowly began to cover the entire room. I knew my brothers would be able to maneuver through this. _They had to get out._

I drew my two swords out as I moved, deflecting bullets away as I tried to cover my brothers - knocking ninjas unconscious along the way.

Things were starting to look up, and I honestly started to believe that I would be making it out with my brothers...

Then the unexpected once again struck. The building started collapsing at the same time I caught a stray bullet.

I managed to move in time so it didn't go through my head - just grazed the side, but it rang in my ear and the abrupt pain threw me off as my hearing dulled on my left side.

_"Leo!"_ I heard my brothers start shouting for me, their shouts sounding echoey - like we were in a tunnel - over the powerful ringing in my ear.

Suddenly, I felt something pierce my side. It wasn't a stabbing pain, but more like a pinch, and I looked down.

Sticking out from my side was a dart - and my eyes widened._ A tranquilizer!_

My vision immediately started blurring as the room started swaying - concrete and rumble slowly falling from above.

Then, everything went black.

**. . .**

When I woke again, I was being held hostage - tied and gagged. But those memories... Those had to be held back, for now...

It was after, much after... When I tried escaping for the first time, that I committed a deadly sin.

One that haunts me in my sleep.

When I brutally killed someone, like an animal, with total rage and vengeance...

When I wasn't myself.

Through all the torture I was given, I was pushed beyond my limits... It awakened the sleeping beast within me.

There was no remorse. They were coming at me, weapons drawn while I had none. They took away my ninjakens, that's what I had been trying to find.

With so much rage clouding my mind, I charged - dimly reminding me of my hotheaded brother, Raphael. The one I always lectured about controlling your anger...

I almost smiled at what a hypocrite I was now, and how he would be yelling at me for it...

A pain in my chest made the beast come out more. Without my brothers, I was falling, and falling hard.

I always wanted to protect them. Protect them from a lot of things... A lot of things I failed in doing so.

None more so than killing. Killing senselessly.

Through all the rough exterior, my brothers - even Raph - were still _pure._ They had yet to coat their hands in someone else's blood. To take a life. It was a darkness that I had always tried my very hardest to keep them from. It was something Master Splinter always taught us to never do... A lesson I betrayed entirely.

Because once you kill... Well, it opens a whole new world. In mind and body.

You feel a little part of yourself die with the person you had just slain...

The person dying in front of me right now. A stream of blood flowed at a fast rate from the artery I had severed _with my bare hands._

I was frozen, my face a mask of terror. I could feel my eyes widen more than any other time.

Because on the inside, I watched as the darkness slowly spread like wildfire... Staining the once white and peaceful atmosphere into utter black and despair.

Thoughts started racing through my mind like a river dam just broke. As I stared down at the lifeless form, I could not stop them from over-running my mind.

_I just killed a man... What if he had a family? What if he had actually been a good man with kids at home? Siblings? This was not right... What would Sensei think? He will be so disappointed! He won't even be able to look at me anymore... And my brothers - oh God, what will my brothers think? I can't... I can't let them know... They will never accept me, for what I've done..._

With shaky feet I rose, and ran. I had a chance to return home... To see my family, but I couldn't... Couldn't face them like this. I had planned to cleanse myself, somehow, and to repent, but...

_**The unexpected happened.**_

I was lost. A lost cause... Because what I didn't expect was to be tracked down, to kill even _more._

And with each killing, I grew more numb. Until I felt the old me, the calm protector, the big brother Leonardo... Fade away.

Instead, all I had was darkness. I could never show myself to my family again...

I failed them.

_(Present)_

Numbness helped a lot. It kept the memories away, the pain, and my feelings. It just allowed me to move without emotion... Without thinking.

Without my realizing it, I suddenly noticed that my feet carried me to... No.

New York City.

How long has it been since I've been back... home? Have I really come so far from where I had been...?

I slid back behind an empty brick building in a remote part of town - this place wasn't used by _anyone._

As soon as I sat down, pain started rushing back.

_Everything hurts so much... And I don't know how severe the wounds are..._

_**But you like the pain, almost as much as numbness.**_

My eyes opened, and I stared up at the black sky. There were a few stars out, and I was captured by how bright the tiniest white spec seemed to shine in all of that thick darkness surrounding it.

Could there be hope for me? Like a star in the midnight sky, could there be a small light in my darkness?

My head fell and hung down. I was so tired... But it wasn't sleep that awaited me... Just more nightmares. Nightmarish memories.

But I couldn't hold back my body's urges any longer, it had been pushed too far... again...

I felt my eye lids droop close and I was greeted with the familiar blackness that always took me to hell.

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_**Blood.**_

It was everywhere, on the walls, on the floor, sprayed across my body, and the crimson color that soaked into my mind.

_**Bodies.**_

I couldn't even keep count of how many dropped. Lifeless. Bodies torn apart by _my hands._

_**Nightmares.**_

Were all but assured every night, as I lived in one with each passing moment of my beating heart.

Because for me, this was all I had now...

_But I want to return home._ More than anything.

_**But all you are is a monster, Leonardo.**_

And the voice was right.

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**Ami: ...**

Keira:Told ya. This is one of my darkest works, I must say. Pretty proud about that fact. =)

**Ami:** *looks at girl* I did not know you had it in you to pull something like this off. *pats smaller girl on the head* Well done, I'm so proud.

Keira: *sweat-drop* Ehh, okay. So, anyway, review to tell me what you all think and if you would like to see more of this! Share with your friends too, someone else might enjoy it! ^_^ It all helps, so thank you for reading and I'll see you in the next chappie! =D

**Ami:** Adios. And thanks for reading.

*The song I used for inspiration really describes Leo in this chapter... Hopeless by Breaking Benjamin.


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